carolyn

I woke up at 11:00 am . the big news is that i found a long lost ex on the computor ;i really liked her alot;she ditched me.

While i was with he she atemted suicide and i viseted her in the suicide ward and saw her parents there : her parents and i passed eachother as i got off the elevator;i imagined/thought they were thinking "he is the guy who caused this"..well mabey they thought that.

I found carolyn on the computor on a whimb and there was a picture of her .This is over 20 years later:i am very lonley and ache of it or at least i atribute the ache to that ;anyway

Did i mention I REALLY liked her and it was intense and i had wanted to find her again even though i know she dumped me and turned me away though i kept trying ;even years later.

She looks great in the picture there she about 50 now and im about 47 :(i try not to pay attention) and being alone ,as i mentioned,its easyier to not pay attention.

Anyway i anonymously emailed her;i actualy opened a new yahoo email just to email her anonymously :i just want to hear from her; i asked about her art, she has a art site; shes a artist; a real one .I imagime her emailing me back and mentioning where her studio is and mabey bumping into her there but,ofcorse ,she wouldent know i emailed her ;it would just be happenstance .

I really liked her.

I was a person with much less experiance than her and i felt at the time that i liked her more than she liked me but she would deny that or didnt believe it

Anyway ,she also got raped in the time that i knew her; i guess it was a date rape type thing and she prosecuted too . We had a intence sexual thing.`
That was in boston.